"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
