No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
