She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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