why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
bring money and cleavage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
