My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
