So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
