The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize