He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize