I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
