i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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