He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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