Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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