i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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