That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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