I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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