Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
