I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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