people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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