then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
