So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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