After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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