i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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