right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
