It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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