im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
