dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
