I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
