Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
