when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
