i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
