Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
