you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
