This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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