so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drunk is not a location!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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