I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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