So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
