yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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