They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
