this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
