Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
