Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
