nut hugger
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
