As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him āfuck meā eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
