her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
