some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
