There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize