beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
