just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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