Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
