Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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