Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
