so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
