you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
