R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
