Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
