I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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