Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
