i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
